The Importance of Support

I got thinking about the benefits of support because it occurred to me that it’s generally taken for granted and not well understood. It’s such a prevalent and yet complicated part of our lives.

There’s lots of evidence that support is beneficial. With mental health, it is generally known that the mentally ill do better with support. Malcolm Gladwell’s book, Outliers, opens with the Roseto immigrant example where genetics and diet are ruled out as factors on why the Roseto immigrants live longer; the hypothesis being that they’re always in each other’s backyards providing each other support. There are the traditional support groups for various addictions (AA likely being the most renowned), and for diseases such as cancer, Alzheimer’s, lupus, brain injuries, etc. And then there are groups such as religious/church affiliations, free masons, charities and “not for profits”; that also exist to provide support in one form or another.

I was listening to CBC radio when they were talking about how poorly Canadian aboriginals have fared compared to the rest of world given that more than 150,000 First Nations, Métis and Inuit children were placed in residential schools in the 1870s until 1996 and that many reported being subjected to physical, psychological and sexual abuse. The Truth and Reconciliation Commission has set up a series of events where sharing circles are being used to help the victims heal in the pursuit of a better quality of life.

There’s ample evidence that the bullied suffer increased stress and anxiety and are more prone to illness. Helping bullies to empathize with their victims by having them to listen to the hurt and damage they’ve caused (classic intervention) and helping them to let go of their need to control is the typical prescription for helping the victim to heal and the bully to move on to more constructive behaviours.

There’s also the “For Profits”; Weight Watchers being one of my favourites because it’s touted as a top rated weight loss system. What makes it top rated? Permanent and healthy weight loss can only be achieved by making changes in lifestyle. Willpower alone and fad diets don’t work. You need solid “support”, ongoing encouragement, as well as sound nutritional and fitness advice and the resolution to take action. An environment is created in which people take responsibility for the calories they ingest and peer pressure plays an integral part. The Running Room also uses peer pressure (an amazing source of motivation) and other techniques for success. And there are lots of other “For Profit” support forums; Personal Trainers, Coaches, Doctors, and a myriad of other “Professionals”.

There’s also the informal support of friends and mentors whom many of us are feel a strong sense of indebtedness too. For example, I know that I couldn’t have graduated from University without the support of my classmates. And while there’s always concern about Nepotism and favouritism, the truth is relationships matter. We’re all biased and will choose differently for a myriad of reasons regardless of whether anyone likes it or not. And while most people desire to and believe they act fairly, it doesn’t change that choices will differ because of a range of interpretations of requirements and suitability. I’ve heard private business people will say, “I won’t hire someone I don’t know.” Which maybe isn’t fair but it’s the way it is. And if you believe that relationships matter then networking is unquestionably important but all resources are limited - especially time. It’s not just about the quantity of relationships but also the quality.

And as peer pressure is not always positive, not all “support” systems/processes are either. After all, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. For example, without the support of our parents most of us wouldn’t have survived childhood but not all of that “support” was positive. A lot of psychotherapists have made a very good living sorting out people’s childhood issues that a lot of parents are blamed for. Support needs to be “positive” in order for it to be beneficial. In fact, I think support needs to provide aid, help or assistance, without interfering with a person’s free will. The question of whether support should also be welcome is a little less clear, especially when one considers interventions, but I believe it needs to be eventually so as not to violate our ever important right of free will. And maybe this gets to the crux of the matter because I think it’s about helping people to face difficult issues that on some level, they don’t want to deal with. To help them take responsibility and develop strategies for making better choices.

Even so, I must admit that sometimes I wonder about cause and effect. Are support groups successful because the people joining them have decided to change and just want some structure to do so or because people desire change but just can’t on their own? I’m not sure and maybe it doesn’t matter because there’s lots of evidence that support makes a “positive” difference.

And as most of you reading this have likely guessed this is where I put my plug in for The Alternative Board which provides support to business owners in what I believe is positive and important way. It can make a big difference for those that choose take advantage of it. So what choice do you want to make? Stay the course or take advantage of the support that The Alternative Board offers?

Optimization

Many business owners I meet appear flustered and stressed out which isn’t a confidence builder from a customer’s point of view. Why are they flustered? I suspect for a lot of them it is fear, stemming from worrying about trying to fulfill customer’s expectations and/or how to sustain/grow their business. And while we all know that some anxiety is motivational, we also know that too much is disabling.

There are findings (Manage Your Energy, Not Your Time, Harvard Business Review) that indicate that by looking after (nurturing) ourselves; i.e., getting enough sleep/rest (a lot of successful people were big on naps; Einstein, Napoleon, Churchill, etc.), exercise, and eating well, our performance can be optimized. For example, as you need to optimize conditions for optimal crop yield, so it makes sense to optimize the conditions for optimal business yield, which apply to people, machine, processes, etc. And while this sounds simple my observation is that it is not. For example, the paradigm that hard work is the road to success seems to mean an endless endurance marathon to many (no wonder they look stressed out). And while “fitness” can be defined as adaption to stress and is certainly desirable, we’re all constrained by limits. A typical mantra is that in order to succeed you have to outwit (be smarter), outlast (dig deep/endurance marathon), and outplay (maintain unwavering focus). With Malcolm Gladwell’s, Outliers there are examples of how you need to acquire 10 years/10,000 hours of experience/learning and how the “winners” did it faster than their competition (the Beatles, Bill Gates, etc…). So how do you do it without dropping from exhaustion? It’s about being so passionate about what you do that you literally don’t want to do anything else and persistence is a side effect because the activity is so intrinsically rewarding.

So how do you “nurture” the development of that kind of passion, persistence and intrinsic motivation? Well, some people are more predisposed to being more persistent than others (genetics) and certainly there are environmental or cultural influences that “encourage” that type of unrelenting focus. But bottom line it’s about loving what you do. Does it need to be discovered? Is it possible to cultivate? How do people develop “passions”? I believe it’s about caring and that the biggest controllable factor is choice.

And a lot of us don’t think much about our choices. We make them because of an emotional response that’s driven by our attitudes and biases. What do you want your attitude to be? Do you want your attitude to help you succeed? What can you do about it? Are you asking yourself what you can do to help make things better? How often do you do so? I’d suggest you’ll want to do it frequently, such as every time you’re unsure or don’t know. Would you rather watch TV or work on the crop/garden for a bit? That way you can continually refine what’s working until you get as good the Beatles! And I’d bet you’d be less stressed too.